6 Things You Should Look for in a Lasting Spiritual Relationship

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February 14, 2025

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It can be hard to know what spiritual qualities you should look for in a romantic partner when our media and entertainment industry bombards us with so many images of toxic, abusive, and superficial relationships.

That’s why I reached out to three Baha’i couples who have had healthy, long-lasting marriages for over 40 years and asked them to give singles their advice about what they should look for in a relationship.

1. Look for a Life Partner Who Has Many Virtuous Qualities

Karen and Lameh Fananapazir

My mother, Barbara Talley, has been married to my father, Gile Talley, for 44 years. While they were dating, she realized that he was the nicest man she had ever met. They continue to be kind and respectful to each other four decades later.

That’s why she told me to look at a potential partner’s virtuous qualities first. “It’s nice that he or she is fine, but you will never find your soulmate if you’re not looking at their soul,” she says.

Susan Troxel, who has been married to her husband, Rick Troxel, for almost 46 years, agreed that the character of the person you’re thinking about marrying is most important. She advised singles to see if their romantic interest is truthful, trustworthy, kind, and compassionate.

Susan wrote, “Physical beauty fades for all of us, but the qualities of the soul are lasting. There needs to be respect and mutual support for each other’s spiritual pathway. It’s good to look at a prospective mate’s relationships with family and friends, as well as how they handle money. And very important is how they handle tests; are they willing to look at their own part and not blame others? Are they willing to sit down and pray and talk things out? Are they open to learning from their mistakes?”

My mom added, “We have guidance [from the Baha’i writings] to be pure, kind, and radiant and writings against being kind to the liar, the tyrant, and the thief, so don’t marry a liar, a tyrant, or a thief. If they are not kind and trustworthy, it’s a deal breaker. Keep that in mind before you take that vow.”

Since people are often on their best behavior during the courting phase, my mom says singles should also look at their prospect’s relationships with those who are close to them. “Find someone who treats their parents and siblings with respect. You’re marrying into a village,” she says.

As Abdu’l-Baha, one of the central figures of the Baha’i Faith, wrote:

BAHÁ’Í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever.

“Remember that the journey of life is long and fraught with many surprises and ups and downs,” wrote Dr. Lameh Fananapazir. He has been married to his wife, Karen Fananapazir, for 49 years. “Your focus must be lasting virtues…Be clear-eyed and aware that time is not going to improve a flawed and unspiritual character.”

2. Look For Someone You Can Have a Spiritual Relationship With

When you find someone who has those virtuous qualities that you are looking for, it’s easier to establish a spiritual relationship with that person. Abdu’l-Baha wrote that “husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God.”

So, Karen asked singles “to look for someone you can love and trust and who in turn also places his reliance and trust in God.” As you two strive to better the world and grow closer to God together, you ultimately grow closer to each other.

3. Find Someone You Are Physically Attracted to

Although physical beauty can fade, my dad says that physical attraction is important in a romantic relationship. Abdu’l-Baha wrote, “As for the question regarding marriage under the Law of God: first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee…”

We should look for a romantic partner who is pleasing to our eyes and soul, because marriage is a physical and spiritual relationship. Everyone deserves someone who sees both their inner and outer beauty.

4. Find Someone You Are Compatible With

“Beyond the prerequisite attraction and affinity,” Rick suggested that singles seek “deep, nurturing compatibility, and commitment.” He listed several helpful questions that each new couple should ask each other:

“How easy is it to be open, honest, and expressive with each other?
Do you mostly share the same values, and respect and support even those you might not entirely share?
Can you each commit to the same kind of relationship?
How do you handle disagreements?
[How do you handle] decision-making in general?
Are you both of good character, in both deeds and words, in basically all contexts?
Do you appreciate how your potential partner relates to others?
Can you perform acts of service together and mutually support each other’s individual acts of service?
When one of you is stressed (or joyful, for that matter), what does that bring out in the other?
How well are you matched on what is viewed as stressful or challenging versus what is comfortable or adventurous/fun?”

Rick wrote, “Implicit in this, I guess, is to know oneself as much as possible, as holistically and integrated as possible. This facilitates the other’s investigation of you. It helps you distinguish your likes from dislikes, deep needs from more superficial desires, and where you can and can’t flex. It may help distinguish your true self from your social environment, upbringing, habits and customs, and popular trends.”

5. Look for Someone You Can Accept Completely

My mom says you shouldn’t look for a fixer upper that you intend to change to your liking. “It’ll put a strain on the relationship if you are going into it saying, ‘I don’t accept you for who you are, but if you become this other person, I will,’” she explained.

“We each have our path and will grow at our own pace or perhaps not at all. If you can’t accept the person fully for who they are now, then wait until you can find someone that you can accept.”

6. Marry Your Best Friend

Susan Troxel and Rick Troxel — *Susan and Rick Troxel*

“Lastly, look for someone who can be a very, very good friend — someone you feel you can talk to about anything,” Susan wrote. My parents say it’s easier to cultivate a close friendship when you have things in common, like similar values and lifestyles.

And, my mom says it’s also important to “find someone who makes you laugh.” Laughing together is a great way to bond two friends. It is physically and spiritually relaxing and can help get people through tough times.

As Abdu’l-Baha wrote, a married couple’s purpose must be “to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity.…”

I hope this advice from older couples helps all of you singles out there find your eternal partner and forever friend.

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If We’re Spiritual Beings, Why Do We Live in a Physical World?

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Tony Ramos

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June 12, 2025

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During my half-century as a university professor and publishing scholar, I devoted a good deal of time to an obvious but puzzling question: If we presume an omnipotent Creator exists, why did He decide to give a physical dimension to His creation?

Or, stated in more personal terms, if the creation of human beings lies at the heart of the purpose of physical reality—as most religions suppose—then why did the Creator decide that we would benefit from waking up in an environment where we think we are physical beings, when we really aren’t; where we think we own stuff, when we actually don’t; and where we seem to constantly worry about dying, when our conscious self together with all our essential human powers will endure forever as properties of our eternal soul?

My first attempt to get to the heart of this question, a book entitled The Metaphorical Nature of Physical Reality, discussed the premise that physical reality is a poetic or metaphorical expression of abstract virtues and, as such, provides a foundational methodology for human beings to become introduced to a higher, nobler, and more permanent spiritual reality.

In this work, I applied the terms and techniques of literary studies, which describe how metaphor works, to demonstrate that analogical processes provide a useful means for the human mind to be introduced to, acquire, and understand ephemeral or metaphysical realities—making it possible for us to approach the entire physical part of our lives as a dramatic teaching device.

My next book-length study of this subject, The Purpose of Physical Reality: The Kingdom of Names, dealt with the way in which physical reality and our experience in it might correctly be described as a classroom where we prepare for the continuation of personal development after the dissociation of our selves—our soul with all its complement of powers and faculties—from our physical body.

This work concludes by observing that one of the really useful devices this classroom offers us as preparation for that transition—we might think of it as a workshop or “breakout” session—is aging, an ingeniously devised experience in which we gradually watch our skin become wrinkled, feel our joints falter, our organs failing, and the whole organic physical construct become incrementally more dysfunctional until it dies, decomposes, and, according to Walt Whitman, becomes “leaves of grass,” or, in my own case, a bit of crab grass.

The next stage in my study of physical reality as an expression of a coherent and logically structured expression of a divine plan for human education was The Arc of Ascent: The Purpose of Physical Reality II. The central thesis of this book—that individual spiritual development in the context of the physical classroom is inextricably linked to our reality as inherently social beings—led me to the conclusion that all individual virtue is largely theoretical until practiced and developed in the context of human relationships.

For example, a hermit dwelling in a mountain cave may consider himself to be extremely mystical and spiritual, completely kind and selfless, but neither he nor we can be sure he has acquired such virtues unless and until he emerges from his seclusion to help somebody, not once, but enough times that his theoretical virtues become habituated and thus integral attributes of his character.

The thesis of the series of essays you’re reading now came from ideas developed in my third assault on this endlessly fascinating question, entitled Close Connections: The Bridge between Spiritual and Physical Reality. As the title implies, this lengthy and complex discourse analyzes how the gap between the metaphysical and physical aspects of reality is bridged constantly and bi-directionally on both the cosmic and the individual level. Stated axiomatically, this work compares the theory that an essentially unknowable metaphysical being—the Creator—runs physical reality, with the parallel theory that an essentially knowable metaphysical being—the human soul—operates the human body.

As Abdu’l-Baha so clearly pointed out in a talk he gave in Paris, God employs His messengers as intermediaries between Himself and physical reality, even as we employ our brains as intermediaries between our “essential self” and our bodies:

Like the animal, man possesses the faculties of the senses, is subject to heat, cold, hunger, thirst, etc.; unlike the animal, man has a rational soul, the human intelligence, whereby he can think abstractly, or meditate and reflect on philosophical or theological questions.

This intelligence of man is the intermediary between his body and his spirit.

When man allows the spirit, through his soul, to enlighten his understanding, then does he contain all Creation; because man, being the culmination of all that went before and thus superior to all previous evolutions, contains all the lower world within himself. Illumined by the spirit through the instrumentality of the soul, man’s radiant intelligence makes him the crowning-point of Creation.

If this thesis is correct, even as you at this moment read this essay, you and I are conversing soul-to-soul by means of a series of intermediaries.

The written expression of ideas emanated from my conscious mind through the intermediary of my brain. It was then published here at BahaiTeachings.org, and is at this moment being translated by your senses into abstract concepts through the capacity of your brain, which then transforms the complex of symbols that constitute human language into meaning.

Your conscious mind then considers these ideas, and either rejects them as unworthy of being retained or stores them in the repository of your memory and the convictions of your inner being.

So, to put it in terms that contemporary physics might find appealing: how can we defend the thesis that essentially metaphysical beings—and therefore, for the majority of contemporary scientists, nonexistent beings—think themselves capable of operating heavy machinery without hurting anyone?

In Close Connections I discuss critical questions related to evolution, particle physics, astrophysics, history, cosmology, anthropology, medicine, physiology, psychiatry, and all sorts of other fields directly affected by the assertions that metaphysical reality exists and, more important, that there is a strategic and systematic interplay between the metaphysical and physical aspects of reality. Most important in this study is the consideration that these relationships are at the heart of any understanding about how reality works at every level of existence.

My overall objective in Close Connections is to demonstrate an integrative view of reality provided in and corroborated by authoritative Baha’i texts. But since I cannot in a single series of essays discuss all the support for a thesis wrought over ten years, several books, and hundreds of pages of research, I have decided to focus here on one of the fundamental themes in that study: the relationship between the religious axiom that the human purpose is to love God, and the decision of the Creator to make the method by which we can attain this love relationship subtle, indirect, initially physical, poetic, and, consequently, largely hidden and concealed from intuitive knowledge.

In other words, how do we love God when we cannot possibly know the essential reality of God?

This represents a supremely difficult challenge—unless, of course, we are first led out of the cave of ignorance by mentors, and set on the path of willed, self-sustained progress, a process that translates well the Latin verb educare (to lead out) into the English cognate “to educate.”

Coupled with this idea is another equally enigmatic concept: love. Since, according to the Baha’i teachings, the human purpose is to learn to know and to worship God, or to love and to express that love in action, then it is crucial that we understand how both processes work, as neither learning nor loving can be coerced, even by God, because both require us to employ our free will, and our will cannot be free if it is coerced.

So please follow along in this series of essays as we explore what the Baha’i teachings recommend when they ask us to kindle the fire of divine love in our hearts and souls.

This series of essays is adapted from John Hatcher’s address to the 2005 Association for Baha’i Studies Conference titled The Huri of Love, which comprised the 23rd Hasan M. Balyuzi Memorial Lecture.

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A Spiritual Guide to the Dream World

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Tony Ramos

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July 5, 2025

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We spend nearly one-third of our lives sleeping and we can’t function physically without it. But I’ve often wondered if there is also a spiritual reason we need to sleep — and dream.

Does our need for sleep coincide with a desire to enter a world where the spirit can roam free without the limitations of the physical body? Dreams are one of the most fascinating phenomena that we experience in our lives, and the Baha’i writings have an answer for every question I’ve ever had about this subject.

image of a silhouette walking into the light

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True Feminism Raises the Spiritual Bar

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Tony Ramos

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August 27, 2025

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These days, more and more people are identifying with the term “feminist” to show their support for women. While there is an increased popularity in being a feminist and proclaiming the equality of men and women, I have noticed that in trying to achieve equality, many people either purposefully or accidentally use oppressive standards that can turn into subtle forms of misogyny. Despite their popularity, feminism and gender equality often go misunderstood.

One of the most persistent questions I have had in my thinking about these things is: Does feminism mean holding women to the same skewed standards we’ve historically held men?

The Baha’i Writings emphasize the need for humanity to end the oppression of women so that we can address other issues in our society. In his book “The Promulgation of Universal Peace,” Abdu’l-Baha, the son of Baha’u’llah, the prophet and founder of the Baha’i Faith, wrote: “The world of humanity consists of two parts or members: one is woman; the other is man. Until these two members are equal in strength, the oneness of humanity cannot be established, and the happiness and felicity of mankind will not be a reality.”

It can be hard to understand how different issues interconnect. The widespread oppression of women has all kinds of effects that we aren’t aware of because we’re so used to an unjust reality. For example, Abdu’l-Baha explained that warfare is tied to gender inequality. He said that “equality between men and women is conducive to the abolition of warfare for the reason that women will never be willing to sanction it… There is no doubt that when women obtain equality of rights, war will entirely cease among mankind.”

In contrast, I have seen people push for women to behave in ways men are socialized to act. Men are often socialized to act emotionlessly, over-assertively, and aggressively instead of seeing emotional vulnerability, empathy, and kindness as strengths. Likewise, emotionally available or stereotypically “feminine” women are often seen as less worthy of respect, or “less progressive.”

Regardless of how they present themselves to the world, women receive judgment based on the choices they make in their work, their personal and professional relationships, or the way they dress. Similarly, they might feel pressured to be less emotional or behave in sexually exploitative ways — just as men have historically been encouraged to do — as proof that they are “liberated” from the oppression they face.

Instead of embracing and valuing the wide diversity of personalities all people can have, people mistake equity as holding the same skewed standard for everyone This misunderstanding of feminism just creates a new box around women.

The Baha’i Writings say that as stereotypically feminine values come to the center of our society, many of the world’s issues will begin to heal: “The happiness of mankind will be realized when women and men coordinate and advance equally, for each is the complement and helpmate of the other.”

This requires ending another subtle form of misogyny: when women’s comments are pushed aside or consistently left unaddressed in conversations, simply because they disagree with men’s opinions. When it comes to communicating empathetically and compassionately about their rights, women aren’t meant to carry the brunt of the work.

The Baha’i Writings encourage folks of all different backgrounds and identities to step up to the plate. While men are often socialized to be more combative, stubborn, and argumentative than women, they can work towards more gentle and careful forms of communication, uplifting the voices of women and beginning to bridge the gap between genders.

Abdu’l-Baha explained in a speech in 1911: “In order to find truth we must give up our prejudices, our own small trivial notions; an open receptive mind is essential. If our chalice is full of self, there is no room in it for the water of life.”

When we accept that our gender isn’t tied to our true essence, it becomes easier to move past antiquated gender roles and sharp divides between masculinity and femininity. Our souls do not hold a gender. As Abdu’l-Baha said in a speech in 1912, “In the estimation of God there is no gender. The one whose deeds are more worthy, whose sayings are better, whose accomplishments are more useful is nearest and dearest in the estimation of God, be that one male or female.”

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How to Be a More Spiritual Family

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Tony Ramos

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September 4, 2025

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The Baha’i teachings say that until the era when we achieve gender equality and universal education, we cannot even imagine the full spiritual powers an intergenerational family will reveal. In…

The post How to Be a More Spiritual Family appeared first on BahaiTeachings.org.

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How a Short Baha’i Book Changed My Spiritual Life

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Tony Ramos

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October 29, 2025

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If you haven’t already gotten to know Baha’u’llah’s short book “The Hidden Words,” then you might want to get a copy. And if you’re already familiar with it but haven’t given it a close look in a while, I suggest you throw yourself into it.

Made up of 153 brief passages revealed by Baha’u’llah in 1858, as he walked on the banks of the river Tigris in Baghdad, Iraq, “The Hidden Words” is direct and straightforward, yet endlessly nuanced and esoteric. It speaks straight to the reader but always holds new stores of meaning. “The Hidden Words” defies the dry sort of reading that occurs in academic settings or the half-absent scroll-through typical to the social media experience. Instead, it is written in the voice of God, as a divine love letter to the human reader. Here is some of the language of the heart one finds within:

“Thou art My lamp and My light is in thee.”

“I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve?”

“Purge thy heart from malice and, innocent of envy, enter the divine court of holiness.”

“Thy heart is My home; sanctify it for My descent.”

With other books, the main interest of the reader is to obtain information. Reading is just a way of extracting the elements of knowledge contained within its pages. But this book is different. It facilitates experiences of inner transformation. I think the following three passages show this well. In one, Baha’u’llah explains the reason why we were created: “O Son of Man! Veiled in My immemorial being and in the ancient eternity of My essence, I knew My love for thee; therefore I created thee, have engraved on thee Mine image and revealed to thee My beauty.”

He also describes the hidden potentials inside each one of us in this passage: “O Son of Spirit! Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created.” And again, in this one: “O Befriended Stranger! The candle of thine heart is lighted by the hand of My power, quench it not with the contrary winds of self and passion. The healer of all thine ills is remembrance of Me, forget it not. Make My love thy treasure and cherish it even as thy very sight and life.”

“The Hidden Words” attracts us into an enveloping experience of spiritual search. It lends itself to moments of meditation we normally have away from a screen or book. It makes us want to soak ourselves in its words. And one of the best ways to experience that is — dare I say it — to memorize them. Fortunately, that doesn’t imply we should memorize the whole thing as a large block! In my experience, moving through too much text too quickly almost certainly hampers meditation. The main thing is to be able to recall individual sayings, which are usually no longer than a handful of sentences, and to be able to let them sink in, even with our eyes off the page.

I’ve recently developed the habit of keeping a tiny paper copy of “The Hidden Words” in my pocket at all times. When the moment feels right, which often happens unexpectedly, I pull it out and choose a passage at random. I focus on it deeply and try to commit its words to memory. Once I think I have it, I close the book, leaving my finger as a bookmark, and repeat the passage to myself until I’m sure I’ve memorized it.

This is something I’ve found works for me; other people might find other methods more spiritually uplifting. What matters is that each of us identify practices that help us hold true to our spiritual path.

Memorizing and meditating on individual passages of “The Hidden Words” has helped make the conversational nature of prayer more concrete for me. On the one hand, I have everything I want to say to God. And on the other hand, in order to hear what God has to say to me, I don’t have to rely on doubtful interpretations of spiritual feelings inside of me or of external events around me: I can focus my attention on what God has revealed for humanity in the sacred writings of Baha’u’llah. There’s always insight that can be gleaned through turning my mind and heart to the word of God.

To be mindful of God’s presence as we think something through is a kind of prayer. I can hold myself in silence as I allow the passage to address me. I can put questions to God about the meaning of specific lines and reflect on its significance and implications for my own life. Before I have any more to say to God, I must remember that he already has so much to say to me. And so much of it is contained in the 153 short messages of love that make up Baha’u’llah’s “The Hidden Words.”

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5 Reasons Why Spiritual and Material Progress Must Go Together

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Tony Ramos

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October 8, 2025

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In his travels through Europe and North America just over a century ago, Abdu’l-Baha spoke continuously of the future society that the practice of Baha’u’llah’s teachings would make possible. He said that commerce, infrastructure, technology, and wealth could not lead, on their own, to a flourishing civilization. Abdu’l-Baha emphasized this key theme: that material progress must be accompanied by the inner life of the soul and the spiritual quality of social relations:

For man two wings are necessary. One wing is physical power and material civilization; the other is spiritual power and divine civilization. With one wing only, flight is impossible. Two wings are essential. Therefore, no matter how much material civilization advances, it cannot attain to perfection except through the uplift of spiritual civilization. – Abdu’l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace. p. 12.

Though focusing on the inner life to the detriment of material development is just as regrettable, Abdu’l-Baha more often emphasized for his listeners the importance of life’s spiritual dimension. He delivered many of the talks on this theme in some of the wealthiest and most technologically advanced cities in human history. In the century that followed, nearly every country on Earth has followed a path of economic development traced earlier by western cities like London, Paris, and New York. As a result, a narrow focus on industrialization, technology, and mass-market consumerism as the means to individual and collective well-being has become deeply rooted in every corner of human society.

The concept Abdu’l-Baha explained, simple enough in its outline, requires extra thought to see how it sheds light on the many challenges of our time–and illuminates a path toward to a better society. In this short series of essays, I’ve selected five broad themes that illustrate the importance of pursuing spiritual and material development simultaneously and in concert with each other. I’ve mainly focused on correcting for the world’s general neglect of the spiritual dimension, because in recent decades the global community has generally moved in a very materialistic direction. Nonetheless, in some places and contexts it may be more important to correct for an under-emphasis on science and the use of material means. Today, I share the first reason:

1. Material wealth can make people less happy, not more, if they have enough of it already.

Most people share the common understanding that happiness comes from material possessions. The faultiness of this thinking perhaps best reveals itself when we acknowledge the real suffering experienced by those who seem to have it all. In recent years many researchers and social commentators have begun to speak of affluenza, a condition that combines the words affluence and influenza. Though not a disease in a physical or psychological sense, affluenza involves a set of personal problems derived from the lifestyles of the very rich. This article overviews some of the scientific research that has been done on the topic. It can cause higher-than-average rates of depression and addiction, persistent anxiety about status and reputation, or emotional fragility in the face of even mild hardship. For many, the constant acquisition of new possessions becomes a source of pleasure itself, and a strain on their otherwise robust finances. And the more possessions a person has, the more time he or she has to spend cleaning, guarding, maintaining and finding some place to store them. All these material burdens add unnecessary stress to the lives of the wealthy.

Studies show that material wealth contributes to happiness so long as it solves definite personal problems associated with poverty, like malnutrition, homelessness, physical exhaustion, or disease. But once those are solved, wealth becomes less and less efficient at making people happy. For people who are grounded in some body of spiritual teachings, the reason for this seems clear enough. Happiness is an inner condition. Until we get our spiritual house in order, there won’t be much joy or contentment. The spiritual and material bases for human happiness both need to be energetically pursued to make our lives better.

Baha’u’llah, who was himself born into outstanding affluence, wrote frequently about the connection between wealth and spirituality. In this passage from The Hidden Words he warns that riches can withhold someone from communion with God; and at the same time avoids reducing that person’s spiritual condition to the quantity of his or her possessions:

O ye that pride yourselves on mortal riches! Know ye in truth that wealth is a mighty barrier between the seeker and his desire, the lover and his beloved. The rich, but for a few, shall in no wise attain the court of His presence nor enter the city of content and resignation. Well is it then with him, who, being rich, is not hindered by his riches from the eternal kingdom, nor deprived by them of imperishable dominion. By the Most Great Name! The splendor of such a wealthy man shall illuminate the dwellers of heaven even as the sun enlightens the people of the earth! – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, p. 41.

Human happiness cannot be evaluated using economic factors alone. A more comprehensive approach to happiness must also give weight to cultural practices that nurture the soul’s ability to radiate joy and contentment.

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Entitlement: Detrimental to Your Spiritual Health

By

Tony Ramos

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December 11, 2025

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If you live in the developed world like I do you enjoy certain advantages that a lot of people in other places do not: electricity, running water, plentiful food and clothing—and particularly jobs.

Why do refugees flee their poor, oppressive or conflict-ridden countries and endure great hardship to make it to Europe or the United States? It’s simple: they want to get to a country where they can live better lives. In their situation, anyone would do the same thing. When refugees arrive in the developed world, with hard work and ingenuity they can get a job or create a business and make a good living—a living that includes a peaceful society, human rights and freedoms, functioning utilities, cars, gyms and a wealth of advantages over their homelands.

However, the developing world uses most of the world’s resources. On average, an inhabitant of North America consumes around 90 kilograms (kg) of resources each day. In Europe, consumption is around 45 kg per day, while in Africa people consume only around 10 kg per day.

All of the wealth in the developed world is used without much thought to this huge disparity. With our dependence on these material things, though, comes the darker side: entitlement. In North America, Europe and certain other developed regions of the world, many people feel entitled to their patterns of over-consumption. They believe their lifestyle is their right. But that sense of entitlement is detrimental to spiritual growth and overall health—mind, body and spirit.

An entitled person feels that he/she deserves to be given something, whether it is a high paying job, financial support or some special privilege—without working hard for it or giving anything back. I don’t know about you, but I’ve known many people like this, who feel they don’t have to work at certain jobs just because they got educated and earned a degree. They are convinced that their degree entitles them to a high paying job right out of school, rather than accepting a more entry-level position.

Actually, I was one of them. So I understand the feelings of having gone to a university, gotten a degree and then smugly nurturing an entitled mindset that I immediately deserved a great job with good pay. I learned a valuable lesson when this did not happen. I learned that my degree was not going to financially support me without a lot more hard work on my part.

I should have known better anyway as my Baha’i parents taught me at an early age that life was not easy and nothing would be handed to me on a platter. I have very loving and kind parents who worked hard, so I saw as I grew up the importance of a good work ethic. In fact, my parents definitely followed the Baha’i teachings to “accustom your children to hardship:”

…Endeavour to rectify the conduct of men, and seek to excel the whole world in moral character. While the children are yet in their infancy feed them from the breast of heavenly grace, foster them in the cradle of all excellence, rear them in the embrace of bounty. Give them the advantage of every useful kind of knowledge. Let them share in every new and rare and wondrous craft and art. Bring them up to work and strive, and accustom them to hardship. Teach them to dedicate their lives to matters of great import, and inspire them to undertake studies that will benefit mankind. – Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 102.

I was a very headstrong child and as such I wanted to make my own money and have my own job. So I got a job at the age of 14 at a fast-food restaurant. I have pretty much worked ever since, even working two jobs plus full time coursework during my university years. Now I’m not saying everyone should or even can do this—we all have our unique strengths and drives.

I do, however, see quite a bit of this spiritual illness called entitlement with many people and, I often wonder, is it the parents’ fault for not introducing their children to hardship at an early age by making them do chores or some kind of work around the house? Perhaps it is. Of course it is not done out of malice, but instead out of love. Giving your children responsibilities in the household will help them cultivate a sense of work ethic early on. Sadly, though, it doesn’t help the entitled child when everything is done for him or her, but instead thwarts her or his spiritual growth, as well as the child’s mental and physical health and happiness.

Entitled people can burden a community, government and families. They often demand or expect others to finance their lives, while they exert minimal effort at supporting themselves. Somewhere in the midst of growing up, they learned not to be bothered by burdening others, in spite of being quite capable themselves. Sadly, this kind of laziness born of entitlement is detrimental to their spiritual growth, physical attainments, health and even mental capabilities. It will also affect their happiness in the long term, resulting in an eventual drop in self-esteem and self-respect.

This is why it is imperative that children learn at an early age that life is not easy, and that they are not entitled to a free ride. Teaching children not to feel entitled shouldn’t communicate neglect or hold back love from them, but should teach them that hard work will help them to be well-rounded and capable adults who have the potential—with enough hard work and dedication—to transform the world.

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